DAI shares this blog from Norm, one of our members living with dementia. In "When Two Worlds Collide: Dementia and Family Life," Norm offers a reflection on how dementia has affected him as an individual and as a family member.
These are Norm’s personal experiences, shared to spark understanding and dialogue, and not intended as advice.
Beyond his writing, Norm is also involved in World Walks Against Dementia 2025, taking place on September 7th. This initiative unites people in raising awareness and support for dementia. You can join Norm and others by joining the Facebook group here
When two world`s collide there is an awful mess, of that you can be sure. The two worlds I am talking about are Dementia and Family Life, but make no mistake, when they do, there is no big explosion, no huge build up and when they collide it doesn’t go BANG !! It just splinters, with a crack, or a snap, and here’s why…….
If you can imagine a piece of wood that you break over your knee, and it doesn’t quite snap but cracks and leaves the jagged ends protruding yet still clings on as one piece of wood, then that’s close enough. The jagged pieces of wood are the person who has dementia, broken, splintered into many different lengths, some long, some short, meaning his / her life is in pieces, yet there are still parts of them clinging on. The piece of splintered wood also depicts family life as well, because what was once strong is now split as family members disagree on what to do, how to do it, and sometimes, some, even go into denial as if the disease doesn’t exist!!
When the person with dementia splinters they become confused and disorientated. They feel as if there’s bits of them everywhere, some good days (long bits) some bad days (Short bits) and some days when they have no idea what’s going on (Bits on the floor) they feel so alone and broken.
As for the family, the Crack or the Snap when the wood first breaks is a shock, at first they can’t believe what they are seeing. Should they have seen it before? Should they have seen the wood bending to a point where it was obvious it was going to break? Not always as sometimes the wood can bend so far, be so flexible that you put your trust in it that all will be OK, until that is, it breaks and splinters, and when it does, family members are the long and short bits of jagged wood, some understanding, some, unfortunately not.
Now the question is, can the piece of wood be fixed? So the two worlds that have collided can come together as one? Sadly no, well, not as yet as we know of, but with love, care and an understanding of this awful disease they can be pushed gently together for a short time so all the broken pieces slot together and become nearly new again. The piece of wood is forever broken, as are the family and the person with dementia unless there’s a cure found, but until then, by working together, by helping each other and by knitting together those shards of wood so they match as well as they can for the time being, we can help the broken become workable again, just in a different way, and if it works for just a little longer, then its all been worth it
Norm Mc Namara
Founder of Global Purple Angel dementia campaign